Some time ago, I introduced an Erotic Relaxation service into my list of services. I did this for a few reasons. I am genuinely interested in the human body and also men’s health. I also wanted to try something new, learn some new skills and understand a side of the industry that I hadn’t worked in before.
I thought it was a good opportunity to add some balance into my life, because where GFE is a lot of give and take, Erotic Relaxation is purely give - something which I really enjoy. There is some honour in service, in the purity of giving. And it was such a great decision for me at the time.
For several months before the closure of Backpage under the ridiculous FOSTA/SESTA legislation in the USA, Erotic Relaxation under the Asha brand was a roaring success. About half of my bookings were for this service and I was busy, and balanced. It served my brand well - I do well with attentive, relaxing pleasure - and it showed. I learned so much, and I really cared about the experiences of the men who walked through my door. Feedback was good. I think I was a natural at it, and getting better.
However, the sex industry was turned on its head when SESTA/FOSTA was introduced. Backpage/Cracker disappeared, I lost my website and suddenly the certainty of business was lost and I was rebuilding my business all over again. With Backpage, went my Erotic Relaxation business - it didn’t recover. My pride took a bit of a hit that I wasn’t able to resuscitate it, but my GFE business recovered and I was happy overall and generally proud of how I pulled through it. I owe my regular clients gratitude for their continued custom and for treating me so well. I know where my strengths are and I still feel the sex industry is my home.
But, my pride wasn’t very impressed with losing this fun new venture that I had started, and so continued to push where I could, my Erotic Relaxation service. However, it was no longer the same. Without Backpage, my ER service was pushed into other directories that just didn’t bring in the same demographic. I’m going to recount some stories. I prewarn you now that it isn’t pleasant.
One example, is where I accepted an ER booking from an older gentleman who wasn’t the most articulate, but there was no worries there. However upon his arrival he argued about showering, set up his own timer in front of the table to make sure he ‘got what he paid for’, spent a lot of time making racist slurs about other ER providers, asked me a lot of personal questions, mansplained my job to me, and to top it all off, asked me if I thought his child had been sexually assaulted because she is shy. I don’t think I need to go into detail about why this is inappropriate conversation, but I was actually pretty speechless. Then, upon leaving he instructed me that next time was to be cheaper because it would be a repeat. No repeat for you Sir!
Now, mostly that kind of stuff is pretty yuck but generally mostly an annoyance. I can deal with a beligerant pain in the ass, I just probably won’t see them for a second time. But, I manage and I am not overly affected by it. What I am affected by, is the blatant disregard for consent or boundaries that I have experienced in my more recent Erotic Relaxation services. Now, one of the most effective and fun parts of the service is the art of tease. And if you don’t like tease, then Erotic Relaxation probably isn’t for you and you should book in for a full service.
It is generally accepted that Erotic Relaxation is a full body rub with happy ending. Anything more or less should be discussed first, and QLD laws aside, I did my best to let people know what was involved before or during the booking process. It isn’t okay in these circumstances to assume that because you can see it you can touch it, so it also certainly isn’t okay to assume you can put your mouth on it either.
I experienced men try to perform oral sex on me without consent, one even held my legs in a locked position so I couldn’t move away. I have had men try to rim me, finger bang me and stick their fingers in my mouth during Erotic Relaxation. This is a service where men are supposed to lie back, relax and be pampered and pleased, yet here I am experiencing men taking from me things that a) cost twice the price per hour in my GFE and b) I either did not consent to or explicitly said no to.
One session, I was straddling my client, facing away from him for the ‘finale’, when he suddenly slid himself up the table and tried to penetrate me bareback. My only saving grace was that he ran out of table to slide on and had to rebalance himself, so I was able to jump off. Shaken, I didn’t really know what to do, and as women do - I started doubting myself as to his intentions, so I turned around so he couldn’t try it again, and went for the finale to keep him happy, but this time facing him. He then abruptly bolted upright, grabbing my face to forcibly kiss me. There were no more doubts about his intentions after that.
Now, sexual assault is a big deal and should be punished, but it’s only viable for justice with evidence and injuries, of which there were none. And when you factor in that this man is very well known in the local community - well, you don’t have a lot of choice but to let it go.
But, you don’t ever really let it go do you? And after these numerous incidences occurred, I came to the realisation that Erotic Relaxation is a considerably more dangerous service for me to offer than GFE. I believe a lot of people love the idea of tease, but that the temptation can get too much and some people will try to take more. I am not trying to excuse this behaviour, but trying to make sense of it for myself so I can make my business decisions accordingly. And so I have decided that Erotic Relaxation is now benched. Will it be forever? I can’t be sure, but for my sense of security and mental peace, it just can’t be something I offer right now. I trust my full service clients so much more, because I’m less often in a position of having to say ‘no’ to their desires. Plus, their willingness to pay that higher rate, I think it does also factor in.
Queensland laws keep us alone and vulnerable. We may not use words associated with Mass Arj (lol), or sexual inclusions. Which leaves a lot of ambiguity and room for miscommunication or boundary pushing in the industry. It would be so much easier to keep people in line if everyone was on the same page first, without me having to police people in the room on their behaviour. I don’t think it would prevent much but it would certainly help. It would also certainly help if sex workers were able to work together. In New Zealand I always rented a shared house or apartment, as not only did it give us a feeling of security, and someone to talk to, but it meant clients were less likely to try something they shouldn't.
Now, I am not writing this for pity, definitely not for advice or to whinge. I am writing this to say that I created something beautiful, conservative laws have both hindered it and tried to stop it, and the actions of a few men destroyed it. And this is why we cannot have nice things.
PS. Something I will ask for your help with - help us fight for decriminalisation. Write to your MP. Stand with us.