Asha Fox

Unicorns

Asha Fox
Unicorns

You and I both know Tinder isn’t the fail-safe way to get laid that you hoped it would be.

You can spend hours swiping through all the women in your state, but often you’re either not confident enough on the hot ones, or they’re not your type, or they’re a bit weird, a bit high maintenance, a bit too much like your ex. And then, when you are matching with some cool sounding women - they won’t message back, they won’t stop talking about their cat, they want a 5 star meal before you’ve even said hello or they’re just bat shit crazy. 

Finally, you get a date - a nice but casual dinner (because we all know coffee isn’t a ‘date’, guys…), and then she walks in and her pictures were taken five years ago - doesn’t matter. You’re here now. Now it either goes two ways- she’s even more bat shit crazy than you could have imagined, or it goes swimmingly, and at the end of the night she pecks your cheek goodbye and you never hear from her again. Or worse! You do hear from her again - every half hour for the next week until you cave and see her again and she starts bringing up plans for a family…

I know dating, and I know it is not the easiest system from a woman’s side either - and hell, it’s entertaining, it’s fun. But it’s just not itching that scratch or getting you anywhere fast. Your skin hunger increases on a daily basis and really, all you want is what you thought Tinder was for. You want a fun time with a low maintenance chick who will always fuck your brains out after dinner, kiss you like she means it, then send you home without pestering you. A sex unicorn.

And that’s why the sex industry will always be here. We are your unicorns. You’re wasting your time if you’re looking for women here who’ll carry your offspring and gain your mother’s approval - but in the meantime - you’re a busy man who doesn’t have the time for the games and fuckery of dating apps. You’re tired of taking women out for dinner who you’re only half interested in, don’t have sex with you, or if they do - take moral issue with giving you a blowjob.

I get it. And I take great satisfaction in being that unicorn for exasperated men retiring from the dating scene with their hands in the air. When all those things your Mama taught you about how to treat a woman - using manners, spoiling her, making her smile - will 100% guarantee you the outcome you’re after. Plus a little money - but you know time is money - and lord knows you’ve wasted time, and restaurant bills just trying to connect with a woman who gets you, fulfils your needs, and then just leaves you alone until you’re ready to return.

You don’t need Tinder anymore, you need a Unicorn.